Bridesmaid"zille" of death!

Hello happy people, as you all know, I attended Candice and Steve's wedding last weekend in Hogsback (More about that later).

Now that I am a professional toastmaster and all , I thought that I would share my bridesmaid - of -honour speech with all of you!


Feel free to cry at any point. Also, my bridesmaid services are available to hire ( for you guys ,I can arrange a special rate)
Just think how special I will make your day!



Good Evening,

Before I start I would like to say that Candice, you look absolutely beautiful my friend. For those of you who don't know me my name is Tania and for those of you who do, I'll have the usual, just put the bottle next to my purse.

First I would like everyone to join me in commending the groomsmen & bridesmaids for their stellar performance today. You did an amazing job and I know that the Bride & Groom truly appreciate all your support.

I would also like to thank you both for asking me to be part of your special day (not that I had much of a choice). It meant so much to me to watch my best friend marry the man of her dreams this afternoon and it was an honour standing for both of you in your wedding.
This day came so quickly, I hope you both take the time to enjoy each moment.

Many years ago way back when I was in standard 7, there was this girl at school that was straight out the mean girls’ movie! You know the one I’m talking about. She was blond, beautiful and had an entire gang of girl friends that followed her around, she even drove a BMW!
I on the other hand was the poor, yet innocent brainy girl with pigtails and glasses that everyone picked on. And I didn’t like those mean girls one bit!

Then one day in STD 9, through a mutual friend, we figured out that just maybe we had more than one or two things on common! This was the start of a beautiful friendship!
As we got older we taught each other many things

Candice taught me about makeup, shoes, riding a scooter how to sew your own outfit for numbers, making lists and even plucking my eyebrows.
And I taught her about laughing till you cry, making sure your hair is out of the way when reaching over the toilet bowl and making prank calls (so if you ever get a call from someone trying to sell you some curry or atcher, don’t say you weren’t warned! )

She has taken a few punches for me and I have even be cattle prodded for her, so Let it be known to all that we are now officially even!

As it goes I went off to varsity, and it was on one my vacations when I came home to east London that it happened. That night we decided to go out for drink at the Swiss loft. We had a few drinks and when I looked again she had disappeared only to return a few hours later with Steve in tow! And well I guess you know the rest.

Now, I thought I should offer some words of wisdom to the newly married couple about married life, but since I've never been married I can't draw from personal experience, so I had to go to outside sources.
I found a lot of advice on the Internet, one of which suggested that a good wife should always greet her husband pleasantly when he comes home from work and ensure that she listens to all his problems before she discusses her day with him --- but somehow I don’t think that is going to happen!
So, I thought I could pull from some of my own previous experience.

Then I remembered that all you need to know - you learned in playschool! So…

Share everything (including the bed covers), play fair, don't hit people, put things back where you found them, say please & thank you, clean up your own mess , say you're sorry when you hurt someone, wash your hands before you eat, and most importantly, FLUSH!!!
Steve, I suggest you take up Judo -- the art of conquering by yielding. The Western equivalent of judo is, 'Yes, dear.'

With every ending there is a beginning. While the end of your singles days may certainly have changed the nature and the frequency of what we do together, it has not changed the nature of our friendship. We have gone through good times and bad. We have had many fights but yet so many more hugs. So to you my dear friend Congratulations and enjoy each day of your marriage and I look forward to all the new experiences we will share in the future.

I've heard that when two people get married, their nuptials have a positive effect on the people around them. Like someone dropping a pebble into still water, may your love sends out ripples of happiness to everyone around you. May it bring joy to those who have already said, “I do” as they fondly remember their wedding day; hope to those who are still looking for that special someone. And may it show young children what they have to look forward to when they grow up.
So I'd like to make a toast. And I'd like to make it with this thought in mind: If there is such a thing as a good marriage, it is because it resembles friendship rather than love. So this is to you, Steve and Candice, and a wonderful life together. My love to the both of you.
As matron of honour, I still have one further privilege and that is to toast the groomsmen and bridesmaids. So to Greg, Grant, Duran, Dina and Tatum, thanks you for making this all possible.
And Finally Steve and Candice, May you continue to grow in love and... May all your ups and downs.....come only from the bedroom!!!!

Thank you